We all fuck up sometimes......

  Well guess what my loyal readers......I've done it again! I've found just new wonderful ways to fuck my life up. I'm wondering if maybe its something I've inherited from my family or something, some rich ole' bugger out there want to invest millions of dollars into finding out? Nope, I didn't think so.
   While I sit here in my Inventing Arguments english class writing this when I should most probably be listening to Mrs. Bailey talk about this book we had to read. The Ender's Game, it was a really interesting book an dI'm looking forward to finding the follow-up book. ^_^
  So I know all of you are just at the edge of your seats screaming at me to tell you how I have messed up this time.....maybe I've just decided I don't want to tell you. WAIT wait!!!! Come back here and finish reading this blogpost please. I was just joking, I don't want to lose my wonderful readers.
 Alright,alrighty so you want to know what the brilliant cheeze-it did this time.  Get this......I've ruined my relationship with Nick once again. I'm obviously a major sadist. Wouldn't you agree, I mean I had a wonderful fiance and an amazing life with him ahead of me and I had to not just throw it out the window but I kicked it out of a shut window, shattering the glass which then ripped what ever was left of the relationship to shreds. I'm not proud of my mistakes at all. The guilt from the whole situation almost literally eats me alive every single day. It's worse at night when I'm laying in bed, everyone around me asleep, my insomnia, the memories and his words all around me.......woah, ok back to normal Anastasia who has no normal human feelings.
  Hey! Has anyone every realized how extremely hard it is to blog and try to make your words seem like they make sense while your trying to pay attention to the class lesson....hahahahahahaahahaha
  I need to end this blog post since I'm sure you can tell my brain just ran away. Time to go write or edit one of my books!!! ^_^
*There is alot that I've left out about what I've been up to lately and my mistakes but I may decide to share it with you later....if someone will message me to remind me first.*
        I love my readers,
                          Anastasia Renee' Gomes

Life throws you curve balls sometimes

Well you try to plan for everything but you just cant plan for every possible thing that might happen to you. I've recently gotten engaged to Nick. We were at the mall with two of my closest friends Lily and Bethany, looking at some odd skirts at Earthbound when he proposed. :)
  Then retardly I was heading somewhere I shouldn't have been going and it was late at night, and I dont know what happened maybe I dozed off for a few seconds or maybe its cuz I was crying too hard and couldn't see the road, but I plowed through two mailboxes while driving my mums van. Needless to say I tried to cover up the truth and ended up in so much damn trouble. A few days later I got into an argument with my mum and got myself kicked out of her house with absolutely nothing but the clothes on my back and those were awfully filthy pjs that I will admit to wearing three nights in a row. I couldnt get anything, no money, no clothes, nothing......except I had my ipod in my pocket cuz thats where it always is, it lives there. And a few days later I got my cellphone. Nicks mom took me to get a week worth of clothes, and bathroom must haves, she spent over $150 on me. :/
    About a week later (which was two weeks ago), I fell extremely ill. Running an extremely high fever that never completely broke, a severe headache that no amount of meds would make it disappear, awful chills and shivering, and vomited a few times too. At one point, not only could I not eat but I couldn't even keep any liquids down either. After being sick for about six days I finally broke down and let Nick take me to the walk-in clinic and it turns out that I had a kidney infection, pyelo is the short name of the exact illness. They said I was so sick that it was close to going septic and that I really should have been sent to the E.R. but instead they decided to give me a shot of antibiotics in the ass (which the meds stung so much. ugh I'm a wimp about needles and pain but especially needles) and give me some antibiotic pills to take over the next week. Well I've been completely back to normal for just a few days now and I'm wondering why I waited so long to go to the docter. Stubborn as a mule, I am.
   Friday I sat around waiting to go hang out with my pal Hayley and just randomly decided RIGHT before I had to head out, that I would redye my hair the burgundy color again. I barely had time to rinse it all out before I left.
    So I get to town at target and waited around for my friend for about 45minutes, then decided to go wait at goodwill. Finally I decided, "Fuck it!  I'm not waiting anymore." So I texted a few other friends and got my old pal Cameron to hangout with me. I went and picked him up, and we headed out to the mall in Franklin.  Walking around in circles really wore me out that night, once I got home I passed out pretty quickly.
    Why does old drama never really die? Issues involving my ex arose once again. Its all a she said he said he said, Word got through from my ex to two people i used to talk to and the rumors got thru to one of Nick's friends ears and the peace all blew up. I'm just sick of it all, I don't want to hear it anymore, people need to just shutup and actually let me be happy for once.
   This evening my Mum, Mark, and siblings came over for dinner. Me and Nick fixed spaghetti, mini corn dogs, french fries, and fried mushrooms and good lord is was delicious. I'm so glad they were able to come and I'm hoping my siblings will come spend the night with us this weekend.
   I think I'm done explaining about all the curve balls life has been thrown at me lately. If anybody reading this feels bummed out about the curve balls life has thrown at them recently, why not talk to me. I'd really enjoy talking to someone else who feels the same way.
This is a song that cameron shared with me friday, and I'm completely addicted to it so I'll share it with you now:
 

The Butterfly Project

I recently heard of an idea called "The Butterfly Project". This is a tool that can be used to help those that suffer with self-injury.

The Rules are:
1. When you feel like you want to cut, take a marker, pen, or sharpies and draw a butterfly on your arm or hand.

2. Name the butterfly after a loved one, or someone that really wants you to get better.

3. You must let the butterfly fade naturally. NO scrubbing it off.

4. If you cut before the butterfly is gone, you've killed it. If you dont cut, it lives.

5. If you have more than one butterfly, cutting kills all of them.

6. Another person may draw them on you. These butterflies are extra special. Take good care of them.

7. Even if you don't cut, feel free to draw a butterfly anyways, to show your support. If you do this, name it after someone you know that cuts or is suffering right now, and tell them. It could help. =]

But then I got to thinking and I think this should be for more than just the cutters. So I've decided that anytime I need to keep a friend in my thoughts, I will draw a butterfly and name it after them. Good idea, right? I think so.

My pal mitch is quite suicidal :(

and my bestie Lily is just having horrible luck lately with stupid boys.

The rubber misrepresents an aircraft within an expensive diet.

Well here I go from not posting nearly enough to keep this blog alive to posting for money. Call me a sell-out if you must but I'm starting college in August and I'll take the money anyway I can earn it respectively. Hey you! Yes you! The person on their high horse shaking their head and saying there are many other ways I could earn my money other than selling my blogging....Well you know what I say to you? I say I could earn my money being a stripper or prostitute or by stealing, or even worse! I could sit on my ass and be lazy while mouching off the government's welfare system! *gasp* Did I really just say that? Oh you know I did. Now, what do you snooty-tootie nose upturned readers think of my new blogging for money  now? Thats what I thought. :) Well hey, I shall even be nice enough to share the link with you. PayPerPost. And now to confirm that this is my blog to them, I must post this quite weird sentence: The rubber misrepresents an aircraft within an expensive diet. Now I bid thee farewell my dear readers.

life goes on

The past two weeks has been a living hell for me. Two guys fighting over me and way too much stress. I've come to the realization that I can't keep letting everything get me down. I've gotten pretty darn emo and depressing this week and thats done. I will no longer let this crappy situation get to me. I'm alive so I'm fine!
To help get my mind off of all this I've gone shopping over the past few days and spent way too much for my small budget. And I've found a new website that is greatness: DailyBooth . check it out (:

I'm behind on my updates and I give up try to catch you up on my life. I've decided to just go with the flow. If I remember to post something new then you get to read my nonsense and if not then you get to find something else to read. yay for realizations and stuff.......

I will however tell you me and Nick broke up about two weeks ago. We are still friends but  now I'm with Justin....

Swimming at the ymca and the fire alarm goes off. What the heck?

I drove Nick's ford focus and i nearly died. Ugh the horror of driving a ford. Hahaha jk

Passing the jewish hospital and I cant help but laugh at some jewish jokes from a friend and then that makes me laugh at hippies and fords too. hahah good times

Have i mentioned how much verizon's signal sucks. I was without any service for several hours

I need space. I need time. I need advice. I need help. I need comfort. I need you to understand. I need to clear my head. Please understand this. ....Please....

prom 2010

Prom this year was amazing. Absolutely lovely. We both had a blast and danced sooo much. That's about it. :) lol

:)

So last night was alot of fun! Nick came over again and just hung out with me and the family. Before he left he asked me to be his girlfriend and of course I said yes. :)

Really digusting discoveries

This is absolutely repulsively disgusting!

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im going to prom this year

   So my senior prom is coming up in a few months and up until a few weeks ago i wasn't even sure if I was going to go this year. Well a few days ago Nick was texting me and just kinda out of the blue he asks me if I already have an escort to prom. When I told him no he then asked me if he could escort me and I of course told him yes. Now I've got to go dress shoppping and shoe shopping too. :)

Realization and Deep Thinking.

  In light of recent events that I'd really rather not even talk about right now, I've been thinking. Not just simply thinking but I mean I've been doing some really deep thinking which is quite unusual for me. Coming to the conclusion that I really don't know what to think anymore is just one more frustration to add to the kinda long list right now. To add to that list that I wish I could just burn right now and everything on it would go away and everything could go back to being alright, I have figured something about myself.
  I care to much what people say or think. I look for the easiest thing to say to make people shut-up when they start talking about people or things that I don't want to talk about. I'm always listening to what everyone has to say about who I hang with, who I talk to, who I call friends, and I'm not meaning to call anyone with this post but its several people doing it and I'm really sick of it all. I do have a fully functional brain that can think and figure out things on my own, I know i don't always act like my brain is fully functional but trust me it is. I've made my decision and I'm gonna act on what I think. I really don't care what anyone wants to say anymore, this is my life and my friends.

Ranting again

I can't even remember the last time I wrote up a rant post but here I go ranting once again. You see what I wrote up earlier about this past Saturday wasn't the whole story of what happened. I never told you what happened after I go home, and i probably shouldn't tell you either but by golly it pissed me off pretty good so I think the idiot involved deserves to be called out.
I had a video chat pulled up and I was talking to Jordan, well Will got on to it too and completely uncalled for decided to be a donkey's butt. Will totally cussed Jordan out and was just ridiculous, and I don't blame Jordan for getting pissed and saying a few things back. Later that night Jordan texted me apologizing for the fact that I had to see that kind of language, he was raised up where you don't talk like that in front of ladies.
I'm still extremely pissed at Will, I had asked him to be nice towards my friends and he can't do that. He just doesn't know how to show some respect. All I want is an apology, I don't even expect him to apologize to Jordan (although that would be nice) but i do expect him to apologize to me. Lets face it though, i know I wont ever get that apology and he will just keep pissing me off until I lose my temper.
One more thing that gets my goat. I want to know why when I'm nice this guy I like act like a jerk but when I return the favor and act like a witch, he is all nice and crap. So fed up with some people right now and its not even funny.

Meg and Dia - Monster

This is the first of many videos I will post. Enjoy 8)

Ra-tards and LIYEMS all on a Saturday night.

So this past Saturday I was really bored and wanted to go see Alice in Wonderland. I didn't want to go by myself and I wasn't about to ask Will if I could join him and who ever he was going with so I posted a status up on my facebook and asked if anyone wanted to join me. A friend that works with my mom messaged me and before I knew it I was at the movie theater watching Alice in Wonderland 3D with Nick.
The movie turned out to be pretty much a sequel to the original Alice in Wonderland. Johny Dep made for an excellent Mad Hatter. The Chestire cat wasn't supposed to be blue, they should have left him the original purple color. All together the movie was awesome and I loved it.
After the movie me and Nick went over to Walmart where we ran into Jordan who practically lives there. It was interesting and I think Jordan and Nick got along well, then Brandon showed up and made things really awkward. Then Jordan and Brandon soon left, but not before driving around the parking like two three year olds driving after each other.
We soon left after them and I finally got home about 1:35am or so. All in all it was a pretty good night. :)

Thank you Matthew Lush for sharing this poem you found.

If i dont call you
[ Its because im waiting for you to call me ]
When i walk away from you mad
[ Follow me ]
When i stare at your mouth
[ Kiss me ]
When i push you or hit you
[ Grab me and dont let go ]
When i call you and say i cant sleep
[stay on the phone till i go to sleep]
When i start cussing at you
[ Kiss me and tell me you love me ]
When im quiet
[ Ask me whats wrong ]
When i ignore you
[ Give me your attention ]
When i pull away
[ Pull me back ]
When you see me at my worst
[ Tell me im beautiful ]
Then you see me start crying
[ Hold me and tell me everything will be alright ]
When you see me walking
[ Sneak up and hug my waist from behind ]
When im scared
[ Protect me ]
When i lay my head on your shoulder
[ Tilt my head up and kiss me ]
When i grab at your hands
[ Hold mine and play with my fingers ]
When i tease you
[ Tease me back and make me laugh ]
When i dont answer for a long time
[ reassure me that everything is okay ]
When i look at you with doubt
[ Back yourself up ]
When i say that i love you
[ I really do more than you could understand ]
When i bump into you
[ bump into me back and make me laugh ]
When i tell you a secret
[ keep it safe and untold ]
When i look at you in your eyes
[ dont look away until i do ]
When i miss you
[ im hurting inside ]
When you break my heart
[ the pain never really goes away ]
When i say its over
[ i still want you to be mine ]